


One More Shot (Oneshot collection)

by SaphiyasRevenge



Category: Actor RPF, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Sherlock (TV), The Big Bang Theory (TV), The Musketeers (2014)
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-10
Updated: 2020-09-18
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:27:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25180957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaphiyasRevenge/pseuds/SaphiyasRevenge
Summary: Hello :)I wanted to start a collection of one-shots featuring the reader and a character. I always welcome requests but for the moment these are the ones I wrote.
Relationships: Loki (Marvel)/Reader, Remus Lupin/Reader, Sherlock Holmes & Reader, Sirius Black/Reader, Steve Rogers/Reader
Comments: 3
Kudos: 31





	1. How to chat up pretty gals - A manual by Sherlock Holmes (Sherlock Holmes x Reader)

**Author's Note:**

> This is part of a celebration I launched on Tumblr. The prompt was “I’m not an assassin, but I want to take you out” “After that, I kinda wish you were”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sherlock runs into a new officer at a crime scene; she surely makes an impression on him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is part of a celebration I launched on Tumblr. The prompt was “I’m not an assassin, but I want to take you out” “After that, I kinda wish you were”

<<So, what do we have here?>>

<<A man, found dead this morning by->>

<<Yes Anderson, thank you for your valuable contribution. I’ll see for myself now>> Sherlock dismissed the other man, pushing past him and walking toward the body on the bed. John did not even try to apologise for him: both he and Anderson himself knew it would be pointless, a mere pretence.

The detective crushed beside the corpse, pulling out his lens to examine the scene up close. His inseparable companion slowly approached to give the body a once over

<<Livid complexion, yellowish scleras, rigidity in the sims… All telltale signs of->>

<<Poisoning>> A female voice interrupted the army doctor.

Everyone in the room turned to look at the newcomer.

It was a young woman dressed in semi-formal clothes, a Tyvek sterile suit in her hand; she had H/L H/C hair, E/C eyes and S/C skin. The smirk on her lips alone told them she was sure of her deduction.

John agreed immediately

<<Precisely. And you are?>>

<<This is Y/N Y/S>> Lestrade answered for her while she donned the protective covering <<She is the district’s rookie, fresh out of college with a degree in Criminology>>

<<Nice to meet you>> John greeted. She gave a curt wave and immediately got down to business, squatting beside Sherlock to inspect the victim

<<Damn,>> John murmured <<she already behaves like Sherlock>>

It was Sherlock who was not behaving like Sherlock.

Much to the amazement of everybody else, he simply observed Y/N do what she had to, admiring her concentration and her no-nonsense attitude.

When she was done she stood up, dusting off her knees

<<Sherlock?>> Lestrade called <<Don’t you have anything to say?>>

<<Uh? Oh, yes, of course. John, did you notice anything unusual?>>

<<Well, from my first check I can say that the cause of death is snakebi->>

<<It’s not a snakebite>> Y/N interrupted with a monotone voice.

The curly detective glanced at her in a strange mix of amazement and pride: he was expecting her to correct John, but part of him didn’t think she would notice

<<What?>>

<<It is not a snakebite, Dr Watson. Your colleague did not allow you to look very close, but if you did you would have noticed the disposition of the two punctures.

The discolouration around the wounds is not very different, meaning the second one was inflicted almost immediately after the first>> The girl beckoned him closer, pointing at one of the small holes in the victim’s neck <<What do you see?>>

<<The one on the left is deeper, more scraped than the other>>

<<So?>>

<<It was made before>>

<<Precisely. The victim probably put up resistance, hence the greater damage.

I think we have to go through the list of people invited to the party, see if there is anyone whose profession or hobbies entail knowledge of snakes and poison. Speaking of which, where are the animals kept now?>>

<<You mean the victim’s collections of reptiles?>> Anderson asked

<<Obviously>> She huffed

<<They’re at the police station; Sherlock suggested they could be evidence>>

Y/N grinned, looking at the lanky man

<<Excellent. I’m going to pay them a visit now. See you later!>>

<<Wait, Y/N! Aren’t you going to tell us anything?>>

The woman smirked

<<Oh, I think Mr Holmes may have an inkling of what is going on. Bye!>>

That said she ran out of the building, leaving them all in awe.

Lestrade, like everybody else, turned to look at Sherlock, silently begging him for answers

<<The victim likely knew the assassin, or they wouldn’t have ended up in his room.

We have to examine the list of guests and staff from yesterday’s party, see if we find someone experienced with poisonous animals, as Y/N said>>

He had a hard time saying those words; he just couldn’t believe that someone could have reasoned brilliantly and rapidly enough to be at his same level

<<So… She was right?>> John questioned, half smug half incredulous

<<Yes, she was>>

It was the first time something like that happened to Sherlock, and he was incredibly fascinated by the most talented newbie in the Yard.

* * *

Months passed.

The case was solved in a couple of days thanks to the combined brains of the Baker Street sleuth and Y/N. Sherlock and John found themselves crossing paths with her more and more often, but they were both far from displeased about it. The doctor was intrigued by her talent, like his roommate, but he also considerably enjoyed seeing her keeping Sherlock on his toes.

Much to the famed detective’s annoyance, he’d grown smitten with the H/C-haired officer: she had beauty, brains and a tongue sharp enough to cut him. On top of that, she was well-versed in many subjects, and she kept up with him spewing theories with no difficulty.

He was stumped.

He’d tried talking to her, even flirting -just the thought made him cringe- with her, but he had no idea what he was doing.

William Sherlock Scott Holmes, the clever detective in the funny hat, was reduced to a teenage boy with a major crush, and he hated it.

That was how he ended up hiding in the living room at three in the morning, praying that John wouldn’t catch him red-handed while he looked up some tips on how to “chat up pretty gals”, according to the page he was currently scrolling through.

The brunette had winced violently when he first read that title. Nevertheless, that was how he went about things: research. He was treating it like a case, and he wanted to be prepared when he met Y/N again for a new case- which, according to the clock, would be in less than four hours.

He would need coffee. The website said a nice gesture would help his case, so maybe he could get one for her, too.

He already knew how she liked it.

* * *

<<It was the babysitter?>>

<<Yes>>

<<With a knife>>

<<Obviously>>

<<In the living room>>

<<What, are we playing Cluedo?>> Y/N cried out.

They had solved another case in a matter of hours, and he was now accompanying her to the police station to write the report

<<John never wants to play that game with me>> He mumbled

<<I can see why>> The girl snickered.

He couldn’t help but notice she looked adorable when she smiled.

Suddenly, he stopped walking

<<Sherlock?>>

Yes, they’d somehow gotten to a first-name basis, which was a huge success- as far as he knew

<<Y/N, I have to tell you something>>

<<What’s wrong? You are making me worry>>

<<Nothing is wrong, doll>>

The woman’s eyes widened

<<Doll?>>

<<Do you prefer darling? Honey? Babe?>>

<<B- Ba- Babe?!>> She sputtered.

The detective went on with his tirade

<<I did some research. According to the pages I visited, when you like a woman you need to call her “pet names”>>

<<When you- Like- P- Pet names!?>>

<<And use pickup lines>>

<<Pickup lines? What the->>

<<Yes, so I chose one. Y/N?>>

The poor girl was extremely puzzled, but she went along with it

<<Yes, Sherlock?>>

<< **I’m not an assassin, but I want to take you out** >>

For a few moments, all was silent.

Sherlock was anxiously awaiting her reaction, even a small sign.

Then, out of the blue, she began giggling; it soon turned into a belly laugh, with tears streaming from her eyes as she held her stomach

<<Oh- Oh my- Oh my gosh!>>

The brown-haired man stood beside her, patiently waiting for her to calm down; it took more than he expected, but he did not complain.

When her laughter finally dwindled and eventually stopped, she wiped her cheeks and looked at him, shaking her head in amusement

<<Oh, Sherlock… **After that, I kinda wish you were** >>

<<What? It wasn’t good?>>

He frowned. The girl moved closer to him, taking his hands in hers

<<Listen, you brilliant fool… You don’t need all that to impress me>>

<<I don’t?>>

<<Not at all. I’m already impressed by how smart you are, the way you solve cases>>

The man finally smiled, lightly squeezing her hands, but then he furrowed his brow again

<<Y/N?>>

<<Yes?>>

<<If that’s not the right way to “chat up pretty gals”->> They both cringed, and she barely suppressed a snort <<how should I do it?>>

Y/N blushed, but she did not lose her smile

<<Well, Mr Holmes… Bringing me coffee was a good move, and then this… This was the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for me, I have to admit, however cringe-worthy it may have been>>

Sherlock’s grin broadened

<<However, do you know what I would like even more?>>

<<What is it, doll?>>

<<Mh, doll… I could get used to that>>

Without warning, she grabbed the lapels of his inseparable coat and pulled him closer, cementing their lips together; Sherlock’s eyes widened, but he relaxed almost instantly and tightened his arms around her.

He found it surprisingly enjoyable, and she was not complaining so he assumed she did, too.

When they pulled away Y/N bit her lip, her cheeks even redder

<<Mh, doll… I could get used to that>> She giggled

<<I would love it if you did this more often>>

<<Far be it from me to deny a pretty dame her desire>>

<<Sherlock?>>

<<Yes, doll?>>

<<Stop with the dumb nicknames and kiss me again>>

<<Gladly>>

After another kiss, he gave her a wicked grin

<<Mh, it becomes more pleasant the more we do it>>

<<Then I suggest we keep experimenting>>

<<I second the motion>>

Their lips met again, and their arms wrapped around the other in a vice-like grip.

* * *

A few feet away, sitting at a table outside a café, Lestrade slid a tenner toward John, who pocketed it smugly

<<It’s a pleasure to do business with you>>

<<Bloody hell, there’s three of them now>>


	2. Blackmail Material (Loki x Reader)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki and Y/N are great friends. Is that all they are destined to be?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The prompt was “Can you stop being you for one second? You’re so… Irritating. Yes, that’s what I wanted to say”. It’s part of my small celebration I mentioned before

_Keep calm, Y/N, you can do this._

_A few hours without making a fool of yourself should be easy enough, right?_

The female slowly moved her eyes to the left, sneaking a peek before snapping her head in the other direction so fast she was amazed she didn’t get a whiplash

_Easier said than done,_ Y/N mused, sighing for what felt like the hundredth time.

He was there; she could feel it.

Loki.

The damned, way-too-tall demigod was making her feel things she absolutely did not want to feel. Every time they were in each other’s company, she turned into a flustered mess and embarrassed herself.

But she couldn’t help it: witty, clever, mischievous enough to keep her intrigued; besides, they shared so many interests and had similar tastes…

It didn’t help that he was so handsome.

Her cheeks flamed up at the thought. She burrowed her head further in the book, hoping he wouldn’t notice her furtive glances.

There he was, sitting on the couch with a cup of tea and a book in his lap, on a rare quiet day at the tower. They read together often, though Loki always finished the book before Y/N did, for whatever reason…

_*Cough* She has a crush *cough*_

_________________________________________

**_The young woman fell to her knees in front of the thrones, the fetters around her wrists clinking against the stone floor of the place. A few feet from her, the couple of sovereigns looked at her with very different expressions: the Queen’s face reflected her pity, her concern, while the king showed no…_ **

A grunt of frustration left her lips when she lost track of the words again.

Concentration was eluding her that day- as always. And there was only one person to blame

<<Y/N?>>

Speaking of which.

The girl jumped, abruptly pulled from her musings. When she turned to look at him, she found him way closer than she would have expected.

Her blush worsened

_I probably look like a tomato right now_

<<Darling?>>

<<Yes, Loki?>> She tried to sound spontaneous, but failed miserably.

_Damn him and that voice of his_

<<Are you ok, my dear?>> He asked, scooting even closer

<<Uh, yeah. I just… I’m annoyed at Cordelia’s fiancé for being so blind: it’s obvious she didn’t betray them>>

The black-haired man cackled, brushing a strand of hair out of her face

<<You always get so involved in the stories you read>>

The girl chuckled uneasily, pushing his hand away

<<Yeah, that’s true>>

He simply touched her cheek with the other hand, smiling softly

<<I find it fascinating>>

<<Sure you do>> She tried, swatting his hand away again.

Her heart beat so loudly she was sure she could feel it, and her cheeks were probably scarlet at that point.

He continued to caress her cheeks for a while, chortling slightly whenever she tried to make him stop

<<Loki>>

<<Yes, darling>>

<<Quit doing this>>

<<Why?>>

<<Because>>

<<That’s not a valid reason. Why should I, darling?>>

<<Because>> She repeated with more force, still getting nowhere.

The Norse demigod snorted, shaking his head

<<You know, you->>

At that point, she couldn’t take it anymore

<< **Can you stop being you for one second?** >> Y/N exploded, standing up suddenly << **You’re so…** >>

Loki stood up too. He obviously towered over her, but she kept her glare in place, to his amusement

<<So what, my dear?>>

<<So **irritating** >>

<<Hm… Really?>>

<< **Yes, that’s what I wanted to say** >>

He came closer

<<I don’t believe you>>

He stepped even closer. Every time she retroceded he took a step forward, until she ended up against the wall

<<But->>

<<No, darling>> He insisted, smiling deviously <<I don’t believe you>>

<<That’s what I mea->>

The words died on her lips.

He kissed her.

_Is he kissing me? Oh shit, he’s kissing me. Loki is kissing me!_

The young woman was paralysed. The taller man pulled away, caressing her cheek again

<<Y/N? Are you ok?>>

<<Wha- Why- Wha->>

<<I’ve been meaning to do that for a while, darling. I was just waiting for you to admit that you fancy me>>

Y/N’s eyes widened

<<I fancy you?>>

<<Don’t lie to me, my dear. I am the god of lies, after all.

Why did you never say anything?>>

At that Y/N turned away, not wanting to look at him; she swatted his fingers away when he tried to cup her chin. This time, he let her: there was obviously something bothering her

<<Darling, it’s ok. I was just wonderi->>

<<I don’t think I’m good enough>> The girl blurted, making him raise his eyebrows

<<What?>>

<<I don’t… Think… That I’m… Good enough>>

<<Why would you think that?>>

<<Oh come on Loki, look at you>> She snorted <<You’re a demigod, you’re tall, you’re fit, you’re handsome and I… I’m just… Me>> Y/N sighed, lowering her gaze.

What she didn’t expect was for him to cradle her face in his hands and press another kiss to her lips, looking her in the eyes when he pulled away

<<You _are_ enough, Y/N. More than enough.

You’re so much more than I deserve, and yet you have… Feelings… For me>>

<<Yes>> She admitted shyly.

The smile on his face was entirely worth it

<<Well, darling, what do you say I take you on a date tonight?>>

<<YES!>> The cry left her lips before she could stop it. Blushing some more, she bit her lip and tried to salvage the situation <<I mean yeah, sure>>

The demigod laughed

<<You are adorable, Y/N>>

Pecking her lips again, he took her hand and guided her to the couch, so they could read some more together

<<Loki?>>

<<Yes, dear?>>

<<We’re not telling the others, right?>>

<<Absolutely not; we’d never hear the end of it>>

<<Agreed>> Y/N beamed, nestling in his arms.

Too bad neither of them remembered the tower was littered with cameras.

_________________________________________

<<Jarvis, add this to the blackmail material>>

<<Right on it, sir>>


	3. Where's the good in goodbye? (Sirius Black x Reader)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And I didn’t even get to say it… Not to James, not to Lily, not to Harry…  
> Not to Remus…  
> Not to Sirius

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another part of the celebration mentioned before. This time the prompt was angsty:
> 
> "I don’t know why they call it goodbye, there’s nothing good about it"

Y/N sighed, hoisting her legs on the couch to wrap her arms around her knees. She was trying to block out the world but, most of all, her feelings: a storm was raging inside her, mirroring the one pouring outside, and she was helpless to fight it.

Her mind went back to the news she’d received just a short while earlier: James and Lily were dead.

They were gone, and she would never see them again.

Just the thought made her heart clench painfully again, fresh tears spilling from her eyes. She’d never really had a family, and losing two of the few people who’d welcomed her with open arms…

Saying that it hurt would be an understatement. However, that was not what worried her the most, as horrible as it sounded.

Sirius.

He never left her thoughts, he haunted her nightmares and her daydreams.

The last time she saw him seemed so faraway, when he told her she needed to stay away because he’d play as a decoy secret-keeper for the Potters; those words made her heart bleed, but she knew he was right.

At the moment though, she wished more than anything that she had not listened to him.

* * *

_< <Where is he, Remus?>> Y/N pleaded, her eyes full of tears._

_The man across from her didn’t seem very affected instead_

_< <He’s in Azkaban, Y/N>> Came his monotone reply._

_Soft as his voice may have been, those words had the effect of a bomb on the poor young woman_

_< <A- A- Azkab- ban?>>_

_< <Yes. That’s where criminals go>>_

_Something in the taller man’s tone angered her to no end_

_< <Sirius is not a criminal, Remus! You of all people should know this!>> She snarled. To her horror, he was unfazed still -or so he seemed_

_< <You… You don’t really believe he would be capable of that… Do you?>>_

_She hoped against hope that he would say what she wanted to hear._

_Her prayers were shattered as soon as he opened his mouth_

_< <I don’t know what to believe anymore, Y/N>>_

_< <HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT? HE’S YOUR BEST FRIEND>>_

_< <What about James? What about Lily?>> He pressed, finally losing some of his cool <<What about them, Y/N?>>_

_< <They… They were betrayed…>>_

_The girl hated how her voice was faltering, but she did not know what to say against that argument_

_< <Yes. By him>>_

_< <NO!>>_

_< <Then who? Tell me, Y/N, who else could have done this?>>_

_< <I don’t->>_

_< <Know, yes. I’ll tell you: Sirius>>_

_A growl erupted from deep within her chest, and her afflicted expression turned into a glare_

_< <I WILL NEVER BELIEVE HE IS GUILTY, REMUS! NEVER! IT MAY LOOK THAT WAY, BUT I’M SURE THE TRUTH IS DIFFERENT!>>_

_He scoffed_

_< <Fine. Tell me when you find out>>_

_What he really meant was “have fun being delusional”. To Y/N, it felt like a slap in the face from one of her dearest friends_

_< <Remus…>>_

_He didn’t say anything else, he simply spun on his heels and walked away; Y/N could have sworn she saw tears in his eyes, under his mask of unconcern._

_She knew he was hurting, badly, just like her, but she couldn’t forgive him for accusing the man she loved of being a murderer, a traitor._

_The first drop of rain fell from the sky, hitting her square in the face._

_As cliche as it may sound, she thought to herself that the sky was sympathising with her agony._

_Running toward home, Y/N thought of all the demons she was escaping from as well: to her shame and anger, a part of her feared Remus was actually right._

_Then, the memory of her love’s grey eyes resurfaced, and she shook those fears off: if she were to be the only person in the world who believed in Sirius’s innocence, then so be it._

_She was ready to fight._

* * *

The flashback ended quickly, but it stoked her agony to unbearable levels.

Her eyes trailed to the newspaper on the coffee table in front of her, all crumpled and dusty from the many times she chucked it somewhere in the room.

In the centre of the page, she saw his picture. His eyes, those wonderful pewter eyes that held so much love for her, were now bloodshot and blown wide, filled with terror; his face was gaunt, and his hair was unkempt.

The last straw was the devastated expression on his face.

No, Y/N decided, wiping away another tear only for many more to take its place; that was not the face of a criminal.

That was the face of a man who’d lost everything.

She softly traced his featured, wishing he were there with her. The last time they saw each other they had parted with a kiss and a bittersweet goodbye.

Just the thought made her fury flare again, and she threw the paper in a corner

<< **I don’t know why they call it goodbye, there’s nothing good about it**. It’s not much different than feeling so powerless>> The young woman cried, carding her hands through her hair <<And I didn’t even get to say it… Not to James, not to Lily, not to Harry…

Not to Remus…

Not to Sirius>>

Her E/C eyes moved to the window; she could see the heavy rain falling even through the closed drapes. Just like that, she was hit by a terrible realisation

<<And I’ll never get that chance again>>


	4. A Sunday Kind of Love (Pre-Serum Steve x Reader)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve's more than a soldier; he's a good man. He just needs someone to explain it to him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is part of a writing challenge launched on Tumblr

**_I want a Sunday kind of love_ **

**_A love to last_ **

**_Past Saturday night  
_ **

Steve groaned when a ray of sunlight hit him square in the face. He slowly sat up on the worn mattress, bringing his hands to his face; when he did, he cried out in pain.

His right eye throbbed painfully, and his lip stung.

With a sigh, the lanky blond threw back the threadbare blankets off and stood up, traipsing to the bathroom. There, in the small and dirty mirror that was too tall for him, he saw his reflection: his eye was black and swollen, and his lip was split. As if that wasn’t enough, his hand hurt quite a bit.

Memories from the previous night came back to him: the group of guys twice his size ganging up on him in the back alley, simply because he’d dared to defend an innocent waitress from their sleaziness…

He turned away from his image in the glass: he had no regrets, not at all. He simply wished he could do something more, actually take down at least one of his opponents.

He felt as though there was a hidden purpose within him, but he was angry and frustrated because he did not have the means to put it in action.

Thus thinking, he trudged to the small space that he called a kitchen. Something made him stop though.

A strange smell. It was unexpectedly pleasant and sweet, luring him closer to identify the source. He even heard cluttering noises

<<Hey Buck, what are you do->>

Words died on his lips as soon as he spotted the person fumbling with utensils in his kitchen

_That’s not Bucky_

No, that was far from Bucky.

A beautiful woman was standing in front of his jalopy of a stove, flipping something that looked like pancakes in a pan.

So that was where the mouth-watering scent came from.

She had H/C hair that fell loosely on her shoulders and she donned a pretty D/C dress that complimented her S/C skin

_Am I still dreaming?_

She heard him and turned around with a smile

<<Oh, hello Steve>>

**_And I’d like to know_ **

**_It’s more than_ **

**_Love at first sight_ **

Steve was amazed. She remembered him? How?

<<Hi, Y/N>>

He could have sworn he’d seen her blush

**_And I want a Sunday kind of love_ **

**_Oh yeah_ **

**_Yeah_ **

**_I want a_ **

**_A love that’s on the square_ **

<<What are you doing here? Not that I’m not happy to see you, I’m just wondering…>>

Usually, girls only spoke to him for one reason: getting to Bucky.

Well, none had ever gotten as far as to turn up at his apartment to cook pancakes, but he couldn’t see any other explanation for it

**_Can’t seem to find somebody_ **

**_Someone to care_ **

<<Oh, I ran into Bucky while on my way home from the store. He told me about the fight of last night, and I thought I should check on you>>

The short, headstrong boy felt his heart skip a beat, but he told himself it was probably his asthma. His cheeks felt hot… Did he have a fever? 

**_And I’m on a_ **

**_Lonely road_ **

**_That leads to nowhere_ **

<<Oh. Thank you>> He mumbled

**_I need a Sunday kind of love_ **

<<You’re welcome, sweetie>>

_Sweetie?_

<<Take a seat. I made pancakes!>>

**_For me?  
_ **

He nodded numbly, still trying to wrap his head around what was happening. It felt all so surreal, but it was incredibly heart-warming.

As he watched Y/N waltz around the small, dim-lit room, bringing him a plate filled with more pancakes than he could count and a glass of juice, Steve felt his face grow even hotter.

It probably hit supernova temperatures when she pecked his cheek and told him to enjoy the meal.

He had admittedly entertained this kind of scenario a few times- ok, more than a few, in his mind, but it never got this far…

Usually, it was just him kissing her on the cheek.

He never dared to go any further for fear of heartbreak

**_I do my Sunday dreaming, oh yeah_ **

**_And all my Sunday scheming_ **

**_Every minute, every hour, every day_ **

<<Aren’t you gonna have any?>>

<<Oh no, I ate this morning>>

<<But you cooked them>>

<<For you, Stevie. Now eat>>

He did so in silence, watching her as Y/N ran around the apartment to fix this or that. There wasn’t much to fix, to be honest, but she found something.

It made him smile.

Just for a moment though, until he was brought back to reality by the pain in his injuries

**_Oh, I’m hoping to discover_ **

**_A certain kind of lover_ **

**_Who will show me the way_ **

* * *

When he was done, he jumped off the chair and brought his plate to the sink. The H/C-haired girl moved toward it, but he stopped her

<<Don’t. It’s the least I could do>>

<<But->>

<<Y/N, stop. I said I’ll do it>>

<<Ste->>

<<I don’t want your pity!>> He shouted. The young woman froze, mouth agape << I don’t want your pity, Y/N. I don’t need you to take care of me>>

**_And my arms need someone_ **

**_Someone to enfold_ **

The world came to a screeching halt. 

Steve simply opened the tap and rinsed his plate and his glass, not daring to turn to look back at her.

The room suddenly felt colder

**_To keep me warm when Mondays_ **

**_And Tuesdays grow cold  
_ **

<<I… I just wanted to do something nice for you…>>

Shit.

Her voice was cracking.

He abruptly dropped everything he was holding, and it smashed to the floor, breaking into millions of pieces.

_Just like you broke her_ , his subconscious reprimanded. _Look at her: you made her cry_

It was true: he could see tears pooling in her E/C eyes. It made him feel worse than the lowliest worm in the deepest pit of the Earth.

He was frozen in place, staring at her but unable to say anything

**_Love for all my life_ **

<<Do you want some help to clean that?>>

Steve still didn’t reply. His heartbeat was drumming, making his ears ring with a dull noise. 

He was scared and ashamed. Ashamed of himself, because he hurt her

**_To have and to hold_ **

<<Wait, no, you said you don’t want me here>> Y/N snivelled, wiping away a tear that trickled down her cheek <<You know what? I might as well go, so->> She trailed off abruptly, spinning on her heels and making a beeline for the door, leaving him standing there like a fool.

**_Oh and I want a_ **

**_Sunday kind of love_ **

_What the hell am I doing? Why am I letting her go?_

He knew he couldn’t do that: he couldn’t let her go, not like that; not without making things right.

Not while tears poured down her cheeks because of him

**_Oh yeah_ **

He broke into a run, ignoring everything else. He did not care about the rattling in his lungs, the shaking sensation in his legs or the pain in his wounds.

He had to reach her

**_Yeah, yeah_ **

<<Y/N!>> He shouted, barely avoiding a disastrous fall down the few steps that lead to his apartment <<Y/N! For crying out loud, stop!>>

The girl heard him and stood still, but she did not turn around. He jogged up to her, out of breath but filled with determination

<<Y/N>> He wheezed <<I’m sorry>>

She winced, but still did not turn around

<<You have been so nice to me ever since we met in that diner, a few months ago, and I never even gave you the time of day… I’m so damn sorry.

I’ve been horrible to you>>

Silence met his words.

Steve bent his head low and sighed, ready to turn around and leave: he didn’t want to surrender, but he would not bother her if she didn’t want to talk to him.

Just when he was about to go, a broken whisper left her lips

<<Why?>>

He bit his lip and cursed when he was painfully reminded that it was wounded, but brushed it off for the moment

<<What was that?>>

<<Why are you mad at me, Steve? What did I do wrong?>>

<<It wasn’t you, I swear. It’s me>>

<<That’s what people say when they’re trying to let someone down gently>> She muttered

<<No, I swear. I… I’m scared, Y/N>>

That seemed to get to her. She finally turned around and Steve jolted again when he saw the faint traces of teardrops on her cheeks

<<Scared? Of me?>>

He gulped.

The E/C-eyed woman a few feet from him flinched, furrowing her brow

<<I hate pity, Y/N. I hate it>>

<<But I’m not->>

<<I know you’re not, but sometimes… It just gets to me.

I even tell Bucky off now and then, because of this>> The boy sighed, clenching his fists and ignoring the pain that shot through him again

<<I’m not used to people just being nice to me for no reason; they ignore me, bully me, or they feel sorry for me.

I’m just the silly, lanky kid with asthma>>

<<I’m so->>

<<That’s not all>>

<<It isn’t?>>

<<I…

Y/N, girls have never looked at me like that. They only speak to me in hopes of getting me to put in a good word for them with Bucky. You don’t know how many times they strung me along just for that.

There were even times when I let myself be fooled, when I chose to believe that->> He stopped for a moment, choking on his words <<You can imagine how that turned out>>

Y/N nodded, frowning still

<<That’s horrible Steve, but I promise you I’m not like that>> She approached him <<I like _you_ , for who you are>>

<<I don’t want you to like me, Y/N>>

Those words made her flinch, but he rushed to explain himself before she could misunderstand

<<You deserve so much better than me doll>>

_Did she just blush?_

<<You deserve a man that you won’t get picked on for going out with, a man who can whisk you off your feet and who can actually withstand chasing you without feeling like he’s about to faint…>> He paused, took a deep breath and went on with his speech of self-loathing <<You are a fantastic woman, and you deserve someone in your league; someone like Bucky, someone like the guy who was trying his luck with you the day we met>>

When he was done with his tirade he finally looked at her, and he turned frantic when he noticed there were tears in her eyes again

_For goodness’ sake, what did I do now?_

<<Y/N? Why are you crying?>>

<<I don’t want Bucky, Steve>> She eluded his question and stepped even closer to him until their faces were inches apart

<<You don’t?>>

<<No, you fool, I don’t. I don’t want that guy either. Besides, he was an absolute jerk>>

<<Yeah, he was; a huge jerk>>

They chuckled together

<<And you stepped in to defend me without thinking twice>> She giggled.

He floundered

<<I didn’t mean to make it look like you can’t handle yourself, I swear! I just got so mad because he->>

<<I know you didn’t, Steve. Don’t you see? This is exactly why I want you>>

**_I don’t want a Monday_ **

**_Tuesday or Wednesday_ **

**_Or Thursday, Friday_ **

**_Or Saturday_ **

The blond was certain he’d gone mad

<<You- You want _me_?>>

She giggled

<<Yes. Does that surprise you so much?>>

<<Yes. I’m short, lanky, ugly and I->>

His flattering description of himself was interrupted when she pressed her lips against his. His eyes widened, and he froze.

When she pulled away Y/N giggled; her cheeks were cherry red

<<You are not ugly, you doofus. You are the most wonderful man I ever met, and I want _you_ ; no one else>>

**_Oh, nothing_ **

**_But Sunday_ **

**_Oh yeah_ **

<<Mh…>>

<<Oh gosh, your lip! I’m sorry, I forgot about it… Did I hurt you?>>

<<No, doll, don’t worry>> Her cheeks grew even redder, and he loved it <<I was just thinking that I may need another one of those, to be sure that you’re telling the truth>>

The young woman gasped

<<You cheeky fiend! I didn’t know you had it in you!>>

He cackled, giving her a loving smile

<<Come on, doll. Give me another one>>

<<Spending so much time with Bucky is getting to you>>

<<I’m hurt, Y/N; I thought you liked me>> He joked.

Her expression grew softer and she took his hands in hers

<<I do, Stevie. A lot at that>>

**_I want a Sunday_ **

Steve barely restrained himself from whooping with joy, giving her a smirk instead

<<Well then, won’t you give me one more kiss?>>

**_Sunday_ **

He didn’t expect her to play along

**_I want a Sunday kind of love  
_ **

<<I kissed you first; I think it’s only fair that you kiss me this time, lover boy>>

**_Oh yeah_ **

Her grin cut his breath short, but he shook himself out of it pretty quickly, going on with his suave act

<<As you wish, princess>>

That said, he pulled her closer and kissed her, busted lip be damned.

They stayed like that for a while, until he pulled away

_Damn, that was some kiss_

Y/N was beaming at him, and his heart beat a mile per minute. It was everything he’d hoped for and more

<<Doll…>>

<<Yes?>>

<<I’m so sorry for what I said before>>

<<It’s ok, darling, I understand>>

<<Thank you. You make every moment of pain worthwhile>>

<<Steve…>>

**_Sunday, Sunday_ **

Words were only a nuisance then, so they kissed again; it was even more spectacular than the first two, and they could only hope that every kiss they would share from then on would be as fantastic, if not more

**_Sunday kind of love_ **

* * *

Steve pulled away from the kiss, leaning on his elbow as he looked into Y/N’s eyes. He was about to say something sickeningly sweet, but she beat him to it

<<Oh, what’s the matter, Stevie? Are you tired of kissing me?>>

Well, that was not sweet.

No, it was more of a taunt. The teasing grin on her face only further confirmed his assumption.

But Steve was not someone to back down from a challenge.

Smirking smugly, he cradled her face in his hands before whispering

<<I can do this all day>>

Y/N swatted him on the arm with a snort. He kissed her again, immediately after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm participating with this and another story that I'll post soon


	5. Remus Lupin and the Half-Assed Attempt at Flirting (Remus Lupin x OC)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> <<What can I say… Except this: James, _be like Moony_ >> Remus teased.
> 
> Sirius face-palmed
> 
> <<I created a monster>>
> 
> <<It was here all along; you just didn’t see it>>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is part of a writing challenge launched on Tumblr. The prompt was "This is the part where you ask me out and I say yes"

<<Good morning, class>> Professor Slughorn chimed, letting his gaze skim over the students in the potions room, some awake some half-asleep <<Today we are going to host a little competition>>

James nudged Sirius, who awoke with a start

<<Uh? What’s up, Prongs?>>

<<Shush you two>> Remus rebuked, making his friends roll their eyes

<<Goody two-shoes>>

The taller male just huffed. Slughorn went on with his explanation, holding up asmall vial of a clear potion in his hands

<<Does any of you know what this is?>>

A girl in the corner raised her hand

<<Yes?>>

<<Felix Felicis, professor. Commonly known as liquid luck>>

<<Correct, Miss L/N. Ten points to H/N>>

The female gave a small smile; she worried at her lip and looked down, blushing slightly.

Sirius’s elbow in his side jolted Remus out of the trance he’d fallen in, and he turned to find the black-haired Marauder looking at him with a shark-like grin

<<What?>>

<<You like her>>

Remus’ breath hitched, but he managed to make it sound like a snort

<<Excuse me?>>

<<You stared at her for a full minute after she gave the right answer>>

<<You have hearts in your eyes, Moony>> James joined

<<Shut up you two! Just shut up >> He turned away from both his friends, but he could feel their idiotic smirks. As if that weren’t enough, they began teasing him

<<Remus and Y/N, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S->>

With a quick non-verbal spell, the tallest of the three made the contents of a nearby cauldron pour all over Sirius and James

<<Ah! What the hell?>> They spluttered

<<Mr Black, Mr Potter, is there a problem?>>

<<They simply made the cauldron tip over, Professor>> Remus replied for them

<<Oh. Well, they will get changed after this lesson.

It’s probably going to be messy>>

<<Yes, professor. Thank you>>

That said, Slughorn went back to his explanation. Sirius and James sent him venomous glares, but he ignored them.

Especially when he heard Y/N giggle.

He snapped his head in her direction and caught her looking at him, covering her mouths to tune her chuckles down; as soon as their eyes met she abruptly looked away, but it was enough for the boy to smile like a fool.

He’d been crushing on her for a very long time. What was there not to like? She was pretty, clever, kind and feisty, if the time she ripped Bellatrix a new one in the Great Hall was anything to judge by.

The mere memory had him laughing, so he bit his lip, but the chuckles didn’t stop. Y/N had stepped in to defend some first-years she’d been buying and, as a result, the entire Hall got to witness Sirius’s deranged cousin flee the Hall with a fully-fledged Medusa updo.

In one word, it had been glorious. The only downside to it was that it made him fall even more for her.

Why was that a bad thing, some might have asked.

Because the feelings were one-sided, Remus would have answered with a sigh.

His flirting was limited to staring at her from across the room and hope that someday, somehow, she would look at him and approach him.

But that was a whole new level of magic, something he did not believe was feasible even if he was a wizard.

Perhaps it was for the best, he mused sadly. After all, how could a monster like him be with a beautiful and wonderful woman like Y/N?  
No, he wouldn’t ruin her like that.

Thus Remus had resigned himself to throw longing glances at her from under the strands of hair that fell in his face, hoping to never get caught -the fact that his best friends knew already was an unwelcome turn of events, but he trusted them with his life…

Not so much with his crush though

<<Good. Let’s make the pairs now>>

Just like that, the poor boy realised he’d missed the whole explanation of what he was supposed to do. What did they have to team up for?

<<Black, you’re with McKinnon>>

Sirius unsheathed his best playboy smile and strutted toward Marlene, who greeted him with a cackle

<<Potter, you’ll work with Evans>>

<<No!>> The redhead exclaimed, unable to stop herself.

The whole room fell silent and Lily blushed, looking away

<<I’m sorry professor>>

<<It’s alright, Miss Evans>> Slughorn reassured, then turned toward other students just when James was approaching his new potions partner

<<Oh come on Evans, we are a winning team: our potion will be perfect>>  
<<Yes, Potter>>

<<Really?>>

<<Just so I can slip it in your pumpkin juice at breakfast>> The redhead hissed, making the brunette balk

<<Lupin, you’re with L/N>>

Those were the last words Remus heard; after that, all his ears picked up was the thrumming of his heartbeat with every step Y/N took in his direction.

He stared at her, taking her smile and the twinkle in her eyes.

Was he staring too much? Probably

<<Uhm, Remus?>>

<<Yes?>>

Impressive, how much effort a single word can take

<<So, we’re working together. Let’s go to that table, since it’s free>>

He nodded numbly, following her without another word.

* * *

<<Now we need to add the powdered root of asphodel>> Y/N read, skimming the scribbles on the book while stirring the fuming contents of the cauldron. Remus instantly gathered the ingredient and selected the correct dosage, pouring it in and glancing at the manual

<<This is the part where we use the infusion of wormwood and valerian sprigs, right?>> He asked, pointing at the next paragraph.

The girl nodded, not losing her concentration.

A few moments of silence went by, during which the only disturbance were the constant lame pickup lines that James foisted on Lily, who endured in the name of her education.

Remus swore he could see her mouth an unforgivable or two, but he had his own problems to tend to and couldn’t save Prongs at the moment.

Then along came a flying Sopophorous bean.

Before he understood what was happening, the boy had reached out to catch the stray legume. Problem was, so had Y/N.

The girl’s smaller fingers grabbed it, while his bigger hand wrapped around hers, and the whole world stood still.

They stared into each other’s eyes, mouth agape and breath cut short. He could have sworn he saw her bite her lip at some point, and her cheeks were at least two shades darker than before…

Probably the potion’s fumes, he decided; after all her hair was all poofy now, but she still looked adorable…

Dammit

<<Sorry to interrupt your Yule Ball practice, but Marley and I need that bean>> Sirius’ voice jolted them both out of their reverie. He had appeared out of thin air and was looking at the couple with a shark-like grin that Remus suddenly had the urge to wipe off

<<I could just take yours and leave you two to… Whatever it is you’re doing>> The black-haired Marauder cackled.

That gave his friend the courage to finally pull away, giving back the bean with ahuff

<<We are working, Sirius. Unlike you>>

<<Oh, Remus. You wound me>>

<<Don’t tempt me>> The taller boy grunted

<<I wouldn’t dream of it>> The shorter one chirped, barely restraining his laughter <<Oh and, by the way; this is the part where you ask her out>>

The world froze again.

Remus could feel Y/N’s eyes on him, but he did not dare turn around. He simply prayed she would simply chalk it up as Sirius’ umpteenth inopportune remark

<<Sloth brain>>

<<I couldn’t agree more, Y/N>> He growled, glaring at his friend

<<I meant we need sloth brain now>>

<<Oh, right. That, and the juice of the flyi- sopophorous bean>> Moony recited in a single breath <<Am I forgetting something?>>

<<Asking her out>> Padfoot tried again. The other boy ignored him

<<Wormwood, of course; we need wormwood too>>

His partner nodded, avoiding his gaze. Sirius chuckled and walked away after retrieving his bean

<<For the last time, Potter, I will NEVER go out with you!>> Lily’s voice resounded in the classroom, leading to an embarrassing silence during which all eyes were on her and James.

For the first time in years, Remus was grateful for the Gryffindor’s tactlessness.

* * *

Despite any awkwardness, their potion turned out to be the best. Slughorn complimented both of them and awarded fifty points to their houses.

All in all, it wasn’t a complete disaster.

What worried Remus was that Y/N had disappeared as soon as the class was dismissed.

He was currently sitting in the common room with his friends -luckily they were the only ones there- while James complained of his love life to Peter and Sirius pointed out where he had gone wrong with his flirting during potions. As if there was a need to explain that

<<I don’t get it, Padfoot! I tried everything!>>

<<Well, pal, I can tell you not to be like Moony>>

<<What did I do now?>> Remus groaned

<<It was more what you _didn’t_ do>> His companion corrected <<I offered you the occasion of a lifetime on a silver platter and you threw it away!>>

<<It would have been useless, Pad; she doesn’t like me that way>>

<<She does, pal. You just don’t see it>>

<<How can you be so sure?>> The poor boy exploded, vexed beyond belief.

As an answer, he received another Joker-like smirk

<<Well, let’s ask her, shall we?>>

<<Oh no, no way; you’re not going to look for Y/N now>>

<<I don’t need to; she’s right behind you>>

Remus froze in place.

He sent prayers to whatever deity was listening to him that Padfoot was only kidding but, for some reason, it didn’t sound like a prank.

It took him a lot of willpower to simply move his legs and turn around; when he did, just as his friend had said, his eyes met his crush’s E/C irises, and he jumped back when he realised how close she was

<<Y- Y/N>> He stammered <<What- What are you doing here?>>

The way her expression changed to a sad frown worried him

<<I… I came to ask you something… But I see I’m unwanted here… I’ll just go>>

And she did, while he was still stuck there. Luckily, his friends were there for him -in their peculiar way, of course.

A swat to the head broke him out of his trance

<<Ouch! What the hell, Prongs?>>

<<You’ll thank me later; go after her!>>

<<What?>>

<<Don’t make me kick your arse, Moony>> Joined Sirius <<Go after her, you fool>>

<<Oh. Right>>

That was the fastest he’d ever run

<<Y/N!>>

Winded and slightly dizzy, he managed to stop her in the corridors before she returned to the H/N common room. Her expression was less than forthcoming, but he’d work around that

<<How much of that did you hear?>>

<<Just you telling Sirius that he shouldn’t go look for me>>

<<That’s… Better>>

<<It’s ok, Remus, I get it. You don’t want to see m->>

<<No no no no, Y/N, you absolutely _don’t_ get it. We were talking about asking you out>>

<<Oh. Really?>>

<<Yes, really; serio->> He abruptly stopped talking, trying to find a synonym while the girl laughed

<<The thing is, Y/N, I… I don’t know how to do this>>

She giggled

<<Not to be rude, but following James and Sirius’s advice isn’t very wise>>

They laughed some more, together

<<I know that: Lily’s reaction taught me enough. What should I do, then?>>

<<Mind if I give you an input?>>

<<Go on>>

<< **This is the part where you ask me out** >>

<<Just like that?>>

Y/N rolled her eyes

<<You don’t need a fancy getup or a knight-in-shining-armour gesture to do this>>

<<I just thought that maybe, I don’t know… Flowers would be a good idea… Or chocolate>>

<<There, you see? You _do_ know what to do. Anyway, we’ll work with what we have here.

Go on>>

<<Y/N L/N, will you go out with me?>>

The female squealed, making him blush and chortle

<< **This is the part where I say yes** >>

Remus’s grin stretched impossibly wide; so did hers.

Then, something unexpected happened: he pulled her closer, wrapping his arms around her waist

<<Ah! Remus, what are you doing?>>

<<This is a new part I just came up with>> He murmured, his lips mere inches from hers <<Any objection?>>

<<Yes>>

Hurt flashed in his eyes, and he relented his grip a little

<<Which one?>>

<<That you haven’t done it already>> She teased, wiping away all his worries.

With a laugh, Remus’s lips met hers and they kissed, holding onto each other for dear life.

It was a wonderful kiss, even if it was the first for both of them.

When they pulled away, they both tried to catch their breaths

<<Wow. Remus Lupin, you definitely know more than it seems>>

* * *

<<How did it go?>>

Of course, Moony knew they would give him the third degree when he went back to his room, but he did not care. He simply leaned against the door, smiling dumbly

<<Did you ask her?>>

He nodded

<<And she said yes?>>

Another nod

<<Wait a second>> Sirius jumped in <<Something’s off…>>

The black-haired Marauder walked toward his companion, examining his lovestruck expression with narrow eyes.

Then, he gasped

<<You kissed her!>>

James and Peter gasped too. The taller boy only nodded

<<Unbelievable. Who know you had it in you?>>

<<What can I say… Except this: James, _be like Moony_ >> Remus teased.

Sirius face-palmed

<<I created a monster>>

<<It was here all along; you just didn’t see it>>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know where Remus might have gotten the suave, Don Juan act, but I feel like he might have some hidden talents ;)


	6. Not My Type (Sirius Black x Reader)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius has decided he's in love with Y/N, and he tries to in her over with the help of all the lame pick-up lines in the world.  
> At some point, she turns it against him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there. This is an entry for a writing challenge I'm partaking in on Tumblr. The prompt I had to use is "You look so good in my shirt" ;)
> 
> Also, I must warn that this piece is full of references to Motionless in White lyrics- the songs I LOVE. Even the title is a reference to a song of theirs. Cheers to those who understand the references (Steve Rogers is with us)
> 
> Enjoy

<<Remus?>>

No answer

<<Remus. Remus Lupin>>

Still silence

<<Remus John Lupin>>

Still no reply

<<Moony. Moony, Moony, Moony->>

<<WHAT?!>> The taller Marauder ultimately snapped, turning to glare at his bespectacled friend; said friend acted like nothing happened, simply holding up a slip of paper

<<Do you think Lily will like it?>>

Sighing, Remus gave the poem a skim before rolling his eyes

<<Won’t you give the poor girl a moment of reprieve, James?>>

<<Cmon, help a friend in need!>>

<<Why me?>>

<<You always had a way with words>>

A snort came from the opposite side of the room

<<And yet, he still got no date>>

Remus scowled

<<Prongs, why don’t you ask Padfoot then? Merlin knows Y/N loves his idiotic pickup lines>>

Sirius acknowledged the hit, rising from his bed and walking toward his two mates with a strut. Once there, he took James’s poem and read it, nodding in approval

<<Go for it, pal>>

<<What about you, oh great master of poetry?>> Moony teased, still miffed about Sirius’s jab <<How will you annoy your muse today?>>

The shorter male chuckled, smirking mischievously

<<Don’t worry, Moony. I’m very well-prepared>>

<<That’s exactly what worries me>>

* * *

<<Y/N! Y/N!>>

Sirius greeted the H/C girl who’d just walked in the class with her friends. As soon as she saw him, she groaned

<<Oh no>>

<<Come sit by me!>>

Another H/N patted her back soothingly while she face-palmed

<<I think I already know what my boggart’s gonna look like>>

<<Oh love, come on! You don’t need to be afraid of me!>>

<<I’m not scared: now that I think about it, you look like my boggart after I’ve cast Riddiculus>> The female deadpanned.

Sirius was stumped.

Beside him, Janes cackled

<<Your girl’s got sass, Padfoot>>

The other guy could only nod, watching as his crush took a seat as far as possible from him- or tried to: thanks to his distraction, all the other spots were occupied.

That meant she was sitting in the next desk.

Y/N hoped that she’d successfully quelled the Gryffindor’s idiotic onslaught.

Well, she did... Just for a little while though

<<Such a sharp tongue for someone so pretty, doll>>

<<I also own very sharp blades, Black>> The girl countered, glaring at him <<Do not tempt me>>

<<I knew you couldn’t resist!>> He cackled

<<Yes, my killing instincts are very strong right now>>

The quaint theatre was interrupted by the arrival of Professor Silvanus Kettleburn, who immediately gave dispositions for the class

<<Very well. Today, you will work in pairs>>

The sentence every student dreaded, especially poor Y/N.

It seemed luck was not on her side that day because, when the professor announced her partner, she was faced with a smug Sirius, grinning from ear to ear

<<You know, my therapist says I’m afraid of commitment. Wanna help me prove em wrong?>>

<<Interesting. I’ve never wanted to commit more>>

<<Really?>>

<<Yes; a murder>> The E/C-eyed student walked away from him, heading toward the fire crab the professor had assigned them

<<Ready to give up, Padfoot?>>

<<Never>>

<<I don’t know whether to commend you on your tenacity or call you foolish>> Remus commented

<<She’s made of fire, but I can handle it. And no, James; I’m not talking about the crab>>

* * *

<<No no no no. Stop right there>>

<<What?>>

<<You need to chop those before feeding the crab>>

<<Oh>>

<<Give them to me>>

Sirius nodded, handing her the food and watching her cut it, slowly and precisely

<<Where have you been all my life?>>

<<Hiding from you>> Y/N replied coolly.

The boy cackled

<<You’re smart, funny, pretty, and you’ve got an insane amount of sass. You’re everything I’m looking for in a girl>>

<<Wow, I’m so lucky>>

It would have been impossible to ignore the sarcasm lacing her words, but Sirius didn’t acknowledge it

<<Would you want to go watch a movie with me this weekend?>>

<<I’ve already seen it>>

<<How can you know?>>

<<You’re asking me out again: I’ve already lived this horror enough to last me a lifetime>>

The older Black brother laughed, shaking his head in amusement

<<Alright, let me try again>>

<<Please no>>

<<Can I take you out on Saturday?>>

<<Sorry, I’m having a headache this weekend>>

<<What?>>

<<Leftovers from the one you’re giving me now>>

But you->>

<<Bitch you’d give a fucking aspirin a headache>> She growled.

Once again, Sirius was at a loss for words. Not only had Y/N just used two swear words in a sentence, but he knew he’d already heard those words somewhere...

<<Wait a second. You listen to Motionless In White?>>

He cried out. The female snorted

<<Are you kidding me? They’re one of my favourite bands>>

<<I like them too>>

Finally, the tension between them seemed to dissipate. Finally, Sirius’s smile was not a smug grin but a real, happy smile.

Finally, Y/N smiled genuinely back at him.

How cliché would it be to say that they felt like they were the only ones in the world at the moment?

(Fire crab aside)

And yet, that exactly how they felt.

It was so exhilarating that Sirius just had to try again

<<Y/N?>>

<<Yes?>>

<<I know the only words that you have for me are give up and get out>> The girl chuckled, prompting him to continue <<but I’m here to stay, forever and always>>

She laughed more. It was not sarcastic or mirthless but a true, joyous laugh

<<You know, you’re not so bad once I get past the smug act>>

<<I feel like that’s the biggest compliment you ever paid me>>

<<You’re probably right, but don’t get ahead of yourself. My killing instinct are not raging right now: let’s keep it that way, shall we?>>

<<I’m ready to bleed to make amends>> He joked. The young woman cachinnated, shoving him playfully

<<You idiot. You’re making it hard not to like you>>

<<That was my objective>>

<<Continue on this road and you might just achieve it>>

<<I will. Besides, I know better than to tease you when you’re chopping stuff with a knife; you warned me>>

Y/N cackled one more time, shaking her head in amusement.

It was an incredibly welcome turn of events.

* * *

Later that day, the two students sat together for lunch in the Great Hall, discussing anything that came to mind. Mostly their favourite bands.

The more they found out they had similar tastes the more engaged they became.

It was quite a sight. It surely left Remus and James gobsmacked: they would have never thought Y/N would actually want to be with Sirius. Didn’t he annoy her as much as James did Lily, with his dumb pickup lines?

Apparently not.

Their surprise grew even more when their friend suddenly asked her on a date- nothing new there.

They’d enjoyed endless attempts by Padfoot to win the heart of the smart and beautiful H/N.

Her answer, on the other hand, was something entirely unexpected

<<Yes, Sirius: I will go on a date with you>>

The black-haired Marauder offered her a huge smile, making her laugh

<<Thank you, darling. You won’t regret it>>

<<I certainly hope not>>

<<I’ll even make sure the place I take you to has sharp knives, so you’ll know what to do if I get too annoying, alright?>>

The girl laughed so hard that tears fell from her eyes

<<You’re an idiot>>

<<Duly noted. But doesn’t this idiot deserve a kiss?>>

Remus and James half-expected Y/N’s smile to turn into a frown, and for her to smack him in the face.

Instead, against all odds, she giggled and pulled him closer, pecking his cheek

<<I finally managed to break the cycle>> Sirius beamed. Y/N snorted

<<Not entirely: you’re still an idiot>>

* * *

Idiot or not, the date went so well that they went on a second one, and a third, a fourth... And so on, until they officially became a couple.

Which meant Remus, James and Peter had to deal with their best friend and his girlfriend sucking faces and being all lovey-dovey- though they were sure those two only did it to piss them off.

Well, they’d learnt how to deal with it, as long as it was just holding hands and kissing- making out, actually.

But none of them was ready to find the two of them in bed together in their dorm room

<<What the->>

<<Ah!>> Y/N startled, waking Sirius

<<For crying out loud, guys, won’t you ever knock?>>

The poor friends just stood there, red in the faces while Padfoot rubbed sleep out of his eyes.

Once he’d had enough, he shouted

<<Well, why are you still standing there? Get out, we need to change!>>

Not even Death-Eaters after them would have made the three boys run so fast.

The female chuckled, standing up and smoothing our her boyfriend’s shirt that she was wearing like a dress.

The boy in question stared at her adoringly, pulling her closer

<< **You look so good in my shirt** >>

He fully expected her to blush, but she smirked and replied cheekily

<<I look even better out of it>>

The wink that came immediately after threw him for a loop

<<Y/N...>>

<<Yes, dear?>>

<<... That’s such a lame pickup line>>

<<Yeah... I stole the idea from you, along with your shirt>>

<<And my heart>> Sirius played along

<<... Just like that, the lame throne is yours again>>

<<But that makes you the queen of lame>> He pointed out.

She didn’t know what to reply to that, so she swatted him on the chest.

He gasped in horror

<<You said you’d never hurt me>>

His joke made her laugh.

When she calmed down enough, she teased

<<You’d still give a fucking aspirin a headache>>

<<Oh, are you an aspirin?>> For old times’ sake, he decided to throw in another lame pickup line <<I’d love to take you every 4-6 hours>>

<<Isn’t that too much for you?>> She teased. He pulled her in his lap, pecking her cheek

<<You are too much for me, but I’m never letting you go>>

Despite the light atmosphere, those words held a promise of forever, and they both wanted that.

Their lips met and their hands held the other close.

Once again, as cliché as it may sound, they felt like the only two people in the world

* * *

**____Extra____ **

Outside the door Remus, James and Peter stood still, looking at each other in confusion and embarrassment

<<How long do you think it will take?>>

<<Well, Wormtail, I don’t know much about Padfoot’s prowess in bed but->>

<<I’m not talking about that, James>> The shorter Marauder spluttered.

Remus sighed

<<That was probably the most embarrassing thing to ever happen to me. And that’s saying something, taking into account I hang out with you three>>

James cackled

<<Oh, Moony, you wouldn’t->>

<<I have a question>> Peter piped up again

<<What would that be?>>

<<Why are we still standing here?>>

<<Oh, right. We should come back later>>

<<Better yet, let’s change our house>> Remus groused <<Merlin knows I’m never going back there>>

After some silence, James spoke again

<<Hey, Moony, do you think if I used those pickup lines on Lily, she would->>

* * *

Professor McGonagall spent the whole day wondering if the incredibly loud sound she heard in the morning was actually a scream, and where it had come from

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are those the lamest pickup lines you ever heard, or do you have others? I'm curious


	7. Caution - Keep out of children's reach. Yes Sirius, you too - (Sirius x Reader)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You had one job, just the one" Loki, Thor - Ragnarok

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is another entry for another writing challenge I joined on Tumblr. The prompts I chose this time were "So you’re telling me you read the instructions... And still managed to get this result?" "I did! Okay, I tried… Well, I tried to want to?" and "How on Earth did I ever get so lucky to be loved by you?".
> 
> It came to me after a rather disastrous trip to IKEA (I'm still laughing). I hope you enjoy :)

<<Shit, Y/N’s home, Y/N’s home!>>

Alarmed whispers and jarring sounds of moving furniture were what welcomed the H/C-haired girl in the apartment she shared with her boyfriend, and occasionally -much more often than one might think- his best friend.

Suspicious, to say the least.

The young woman took a deep breath, mentally preparing herself for whatever could be waiting for her in the house. Her preparation should have been a little more physical, however, as all the years she’d spent with her other half should have taught her.

Maybe she decided to have some faith in him, even just a little…

That trust resulted in her almost face-planting against the floor after tripping over something. Luckily, two strong arms caught her before severe injures occurred

<<Y/N! Are you ok?>>

She tilted her head upward, meeting the young man’s steely grey eyes, filled with concern.

Well, at least for that she could count on him.

The thought brought a smile to her face, but it was quickly wiped off her face when she took in the state of the room

<<What the hell, Sirius?>>

Cardboard boxes, sellotape shreds, bolts and screws littered the floor, along with some tools like hammers and… Was that a saw?

Parts of what she guessed were supposed to be chairs and a couch completed the mix. All in all, it looked like a jenga game gone wrong.

The sheepish twenty-something wizard awkwardly scratched the nape of his neck, avoiding her gaze

<<Well, you see…>>

<<Yes, I do see! The living room is a mess! Did a bomb explode in here or something?>>

In the corner, James was crouching out of sight behind what should have been the back piece of the sofa

<<No, wait; a bomb would have caused less damage than you two>>

<<I’m sorry! We needed new chairs after the, uhm… Accident>>

Y/N crossed her arms, pinning him with a glare

<<Oh, you’re talking about the time you got drunk, changed into Padfoot and chewed all the legs off the furniture?>>

He gulped guiltily, still not looking at her.

Merlin knows what would have happened if Remus had not intervened to restrain him

<<Uh, yeah>>

<<And?>>

<<We went to that strange store muggles call I… I…>>

<<I… What?>>

<<Wait, it’s on the tip of my tongue…>>

<<Su->>

<<Prongs, what the hell was it called?>>

<<I… Ig… Ice…>>

<<Are you two talking about IKEA?>>

<<YES!>> The two Marauders exclaimed in unison <<How did you know?>>

<<I’m a muggle-born, remember?>>

Sirius smirked

<<Darling, how could I ever forget? My parents’ reaction when they found out I’m dating you will be forever burned in my mind>>

It was Y/N’s turn to grin at the prospect of stumping her significant other

<<Really now? Is that the only reason you are dating me, Sirius?>>

He rushed to her side, taking her hands in his and spewing reassurances so fast that she had trouble understanding him

<<No, of course not. I love you, your beauty, your sense of humor, your intelligence, your kindness…>>

Sirius was a little flustered; Y/N giggled

<<Are you done, darling?>>

<<Uhm, yeah>>

<<Good. Now, shall we take care of this mayhem together?>>

Both boys nodded fervently, making the female chuckle

<<Awesome. Will one of you hand me the instructions sheets, please?>>

That simple question was enough to make them freeze like two criminals caught red-handed

<<I’m scared of asking, but I’ll take the chance… What happened to those papers?>>

Her boyfriend looked like the statues outside the Hogwarts castle; his best friend hesitantly lifted his hand, pouting at a pile of scraps in the corner

<<What the hell?>>

Y/N suddenly had the feeling that she would be repeating that sentence a lot more during this absurd conversation

<<Well, you see…>>

<<No, this time I do not see! Why would you do that?>>

The young witch cocked an eyebrow, crossing her arms with a snort

<<Please: I’ve seen you in action as Padfoot>>

<<Alright… I may have chewed them out of frustration>>

<<Very mature>>

<<They were unintelligible! I was going crazy! I mean, look at this chair!>> He exploded, pointing at the piece of furniture by her side.

At first, Y/N merely glanced at it, not finding anything out of the ordinary. Then, she froze; her brain refused to elaborate what she saw, so she slowly turned around again and came face to face with… An unusual sight, to put it nicely

<<What the hell?>>

Yes, the feeling was right

<<What is this? It looks like something out of a modern art museum!>>

In spite of themselves, Sirius and James laughed, unable to hold back. Her glare brought them back in line though

<<Would one of you care to tell me why this damn chair has eight legs?>>

<<The drawings->>

<<Wait wait wait wait wait>> She held up a hand, trying to prepare herself again << **So you’re telling me you read the instructions-** >>

<<We read them!>>

<< **And still managed to get this result?** >>

<< **I did!** >>

For the second time, Y/N pinned him with aharsh glare, making him squirm uncomfortably

<< **Okay, I tried…** >>

Her scowl worsened

<< **Well, I tried to want to?** >>

In the corner, James was still hiding behind the back piece of the couch.

The woman let out a long, frustrated sigh, pinching the bridge of her nose

<<I can’t believe you two…>>

<<Hey, did you expect us to understand Swedish?>>

<<The English version is written on the back, you idiots!>>

<<Oh>> They gaped

<<Don’t “oh” me>> The exasperated female scolded, taking in again the chaos the living room had been reduced to

<<There better be no more surprises in the house>>

<<Well, we were thinking of tackling the bed, but->>

<<No!>> She hastened to stop them <<You know what? Why don’t you two go buy groceries or something and I’ll deal with this… Octopus chair and the rest of your bedlam>>

At that, the other guy immediately ran out of the house, leaving his best mate to face his unnerved girlfriend. He just gave her an enormous smile and pulled her close, wrapping his arms around her

<< **How on Earth did I ever get so lucky to be loved by you?** >>

<<The real question is, what did I ever do to deserve you?>> She mumbled in his chest, making him cackle

<<You lucked out, darling>>

<<It wasn’t a compliment, you dumbass>>

The coal-haired wizard let out a belly laugh, pecking her on the forehead

<<I don’t care what you did, but I am grateful you did it; my life wouldn’t be even half as wonderful without you in it>>

The S/C-skinned witch raised her face to look him in the eyes, smiling sweetly

<<You managed to placate my fury, but it’s not gonna last long, so I suggest you apparate as far away as you can while I can still keep my killing instincts at bay>>

<<Roger that, my love. I’ll see you later!>>

With that, he was gone.

Y/N chortled, shaking her head in amusement

<<Whatever it is I did, Sirius, I am immensely grateful I did it too…>>

She pulled out her wand and got to work.

A couple of hours later the house looked fit to live in again. All pieces of furniture had the correct number of legs and there was no litter on the floor; it was spic and span.

That was the sight that greeted Sirius when he decided to go back home. It made him smile as he headed to their shared bedroom.

There, he found his girlfriend lying on the bed, taking a rest after working out the mess he’d made. To make up for it he’d bought her a bunch of F/F and a plushie

<<Y/N?>>

<<Mh…>>

<<Darling, could you wake up a moment?>>

Her eyes fluttered open and she sat up, stretching and yawning

<<What is it? What did you do now?>>

Chuckling, the young man revealed his surprise

<<Well, I wanted to give you something to thank you for being so wonderful to me and tolerating all the trouble I stir>>

The smile she gave him made him melt. She accepted the flowers but, before she could move a muscle, he put them in a vase that was somehow already on the bedside table.

The plushie made her giggle

<<Dear, it’s ok. You are a wonderful boyfriend, you just suck at putting together furniture.

You really need to learn, though>>

He furrowed in confusion

<<Why? We don’t need anything else from I… Ic… Ig…>>

<<IKEA, Sirius, and yes, we do need one more thing>> She informed him with another yawn, getting back under the covers

<<What would it be, my dear?>>

<<A crib>> She murmured.

Four letters.

That was all it took for a wizard who’d faced countless Death-eaters to freeze on the spot

<<A c- A cri- Y/N?! Are you->>

A teddy to the face was his answer

<<Yes, yes I am. Now let me sleep>>

The H/C-haired witch did not see the tears pooling in her boyfriend’s eyes, nor the humongous smile stretching his lips.

He lay down beside her and slowly, cautiously, rested his hand on her abdomen

<< **How on Earth did I ever get so lucky to be loved by you?** >>

That was the last thing he said before succumbing to sleep.

Sirius did not see her smile either, but he did feel her squeezing his hand.

He was looking forward to their next trip to Ic- Ih- whatever the hell that store was called.


End file.
